Is Telling Your Friends to Ask for More Money, the New “You’re Too Good for That Guy”|
When I first heard, oh so many years ago, that they were making a film version of the love advice book He’s Just Not That Into You I thought, ‘Wow. That sounds pretty dumb.’ What’s next? Sodoku for Dummies: The Movie? But then I saw the film and I was like, ‘This is so spot on!’ Especially with the ten minute intro to the film which featured women from southern college sororities all the way to a tribe in Africa telling each other they were too good for that guy and that is why he wasn’t calling them back or bringing meat back to their hut, etc.. That part resonated with every woman because we know we all do it. Women are fiercely loyal to their friends and even when they know it isn’t true, they tell them a guy couldn’t be acting weird because he may not be that into them. It has to be something else. But I couldn’t help but think that women do this sort of adamant and constant cheerleading on another topic: earning money.
As women have become more ambitious over the years, it seems that the weekly Sunday brunch is as much about gossiping about men and shopping as it is about our careers. How late were you at the office this week? Who are you networking with? What job are you applying for? As Miranda asked in that episode of Sex & the City once as the three other women went on endlessly about male drama in their lives, “What’s wrong with us, four intelligent women with great careers and all we talk about is our boyfriends?! I’m outta here!’” Well Miranda, women do do that now.
Yes, women are often told their negotiation skills need work and that they don’t ask for more, but that is because it can be very scary and intimidating (especially if you haven’t read Levo’s advice on the subject!) in those situations. But guess what is not scary and intimidating? Sitting around with your friends who are supporting you and reassuring you that you deserve it. Throw in a few mimosas and you feel ready to conquer the world.
For example, a good friend of mine recently got an offer with a company and was negotiating the salary. Every single friend she talked to about it gave her the same instructions. “Ask for more!”… “Don’t let them low ball you!”… “You are worth a $20,000 raise!”.. “If they say no, tell them to go…” well, you know. Literally this was a reflex response. I mean did any of her friends know for a fact that she was super talented and capable at her job? Had they seen her performance reports? Had they looked on GlassDoor.com to compare salaries to other people in her industry? Probably not. They were just being supportive friends.
But unlike the telling a friend that the guy likes them “too much” (isn’t that actually like the stalker motto?) or that it really is him and not her or that he really does need to put more time into his fantasy baseball season, telling a friend that they are worth more or that they should ask for money, is actually beneficial to them. And I would totally see Women Asking For More: The Movie.