[satellite]

1. A funeral/wake/shiva call: Passing out your business card at one would be almost as bad as trying to pick up women at one la Wedding Crashers.

2. Your jail cell. Just… bad memories.

3. The bathroom. Seriously, you could see John Wayne in there and it wouldn’t be OK to try to get him to buy your digital analytics product. Don’t do it.

4. A Sci Fi Convention: Yes, it is just as lame as you think it is.

5. The ER: “I’m sorry about your bullet wound. Also, can I give you my card?” [note: we're looking at you, ambulance chasers]

6. The Jersey Shore house. No matter how awesome you think your contacts there will be, you’re going to regret that big time later on.

7. A bris! (Or a baptism): “It’s been real guys. Great moment there. Can I give you my card so we can talk about my budding career as a blogger?”

8. Mandatory community service. No one is there for a reason they’re going to want to connect over.

9. Vamps at Sea. Yes. It exists. No. You shouldn’t weed out people who will buy your Vampire Fang 3000 product. It will only end badly.