Career Advice
Party of One: How Being an Only Child Impacts Your Career
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Growing up it was always just my mother and myself. From as early as my time in pre-K, I remember being told by my peers that being an only child meant that I was spoiled, a brat, selfish — you name it. If you’re an only child, I’m sure you’ve heard the same story. Despite the stereotypes and lack of easy access to playmates, growing up as an only child wasn’t so bad and even prepared me for my career. Here’s how:
One of the most obvious aspects of life as an only child is the absence of brothers and sisters or playmates by default. This means I always had to make up my own fun growing up. I was in charge of making sure I enjoyed what I was doing with my time — whether it was with toy props, a bike or computer games. At times, it meant recreating some of history’s biggest battles and ending them with my desired outcome. On other days, it meant making toys out of household items. With each game came a new challenge that I made up. I don’t make up games or toys anymore, but having to find ways to entertain myself as a kid definitely gave me a sense of creativity. I’m no Adobe wiz, but having to make my own fun as a kid helps me break out of functional fixed-ness with little trouble.
Escaping boredom as an only child who grew up without video games was a never-ending challenge — one that I got used to and started to enjoy. With each new activity came a challenge that I often had to mitigate alone. I quickly learned to appreciate challenges as a part of the process. The fact that I was constantly challenging myself as a kid helps me deal with current challenges with a positive attitude. It also helps me find ways to keep my work fun.
Out of being responsible for my own fun and coming up with new challenges for myself came a sense of independence. I became very comfortable being in my own space. Not having siblings to impress or to try and fit in with allowed me to develop my own thoughts and opinions. Moreover, I was able to be myself without worrying about being teased by older brothers and sisters. As I grew up, this made it easier to be myself in environments where I might clearly stand out. At work, this has allowed me to be myself and feel confident in what I bring to the table.
Oddly enough, my favorite aspect of being an only child was the amount of alone time I had. Without siblings to talk to, I spent a decent amount of time talking to myself. While this sounds crazy at first, it’s actually a big part of what keeps me sane. Talking to myself gives me time to filter out unnecessary noise and hear my own voice. As a relatively new employee at my company, this serves me well. I make sure to think things through before asking questions that I’m able to answer on my own. This also ensures that I’ve thought of possible solutions to the issues I’m bringing attention to.
It’s not hard to see how people can mischaracterize only children as selfish, spoiled brats who may at times be antisocial. However, if this were the case, there would be many more of us only children who would be out of a job, myself included. Yet, that is not the case. If you remove the stigmas associated with only children, we have a lot to share.
Are you an only child? How has it helped or hurt you in your career? Tell us in the comments!
Photo courtesy of Social Bliss
I couldn't agree more with you, Alix! I'm also an only child and the alone time I had growing up allowed me to flex my creative muscles on a daily basis. In addition, not worrying about being teased or fitting in with an older sibling helped my true colors shine bright. I always followed my passion no matter what. All of this has proved to helped me in my new found career and gives me the confidence to follow my self-made path.
I'm a total believer in birth order! However, I think you really made a good point about how the "negatives" really turned out to be positive learning experiences!
Hmm...but then look at the downside of a one child system in China implemented in 1979 for economic purposes. Saving a 250 Million influx of families based on their database. Hmm I have my own reservations about a one child family. They tend to have a self preservation attitude about many things and prefer their own company more than best. I have many one child friends who hell bent on ''Knowing a lot'' wanting to care more for their parents than your average child. Whereas a child can spread the responsibilities with their siblings. I am a Christian so the mindset is go forth and multiply sits well with me. Even if Economically does not sound viable...how about people educate people to create more of a support in the world as oppose to being ''Self Sufficient'' Richard Branson had the art of delegating most of his tasks to many experts in their particular field....and more of the reward. Just trying to demonstrate that multi families also work too.
Self-confidence, independence, self-direction: all benefits of being a well-adjusted only child. Some drawbacks: shyness or introversion, possible weaknesses in group dynamics and attendant leadership weakness. Most top people are extroverted people-persons. A lot of 'onlies' are comfortable without crowds around them. The Chinese only male children may be different - they appear to have been treated as princes, every whim met by 4 grandparents. A lot of American onlies (at least those over 40) may have been treated as the oldest child - given responsibilities, treated as adults, in expectation that there might be other kids later.
Excellent post and all great points! I've had employers tell me they had expected me to be selfish and require hand-holding when they found out I was an only child, only to be delighted I proved them wrong. Self-sufficiency, independent problem-solving and life-hacking are actually the hallmarks of only children. We rely on ourselves because we've been doing it our whole lives!
Interesting points, but I do think that ultimately anyone can use practically anything in their upbringing and environment to bring good out of, over time. As one of eight children I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum - and my experience taught me to work as a team, communicate well, become an expert in defusing confrontational situations... It could be argued that being an only child primes you for a position as a leader whereas being one of many primes you for being one of a team; but again, I think it just comes down to your attitude as an individual in front of the circumstances of your life.
Actually I think everyone here, article author included is just stereotyping and applying skill traits to their own individual characteristics with no reason or cause to prove it was being an only child that made you that way - or visa versa for those with siblings.
I'm an only child and would not describe myself as shy. I very rarely think before I speak (though I wish I could) and also wouldn't describe myself as particularly creative.
It's the same principle as horoscopes - you'll always be able to make an idea fit into your experiences but that doesn't mean it's a statistically relevant fact. You just can't make such sweeping generalizations about how many siblings you did or didn't have and the effect it's had upon your career.