theSkimm August 9, 2012: Mitt, pick someone already!|
Things are slow. Pick somebody already!
THE STORY: Mitt Romney needs to pick a vice-presidential nominee. The Republican National Convention starts August 27th, so it would be helpful if Mitt chose before then. To put things into perspective, Sarah Palin wasn’t announced until a few days before the convention in 2008, which worked out really well.
THE (PROBABLY A) LIST:
* Tim Pawlenty: More boring than Mitt. T-Paw is the former governor of Minnesota, which enables him to run on the ticket as a Washington outsider. People like his blue-collar charm, more than they like Rafalca.
*Rob Portman: The Ohio senator (key word: Ohio) could give Romney leverage in a swing state that may decide the election. He’s sufficiently boring in most ways, but does have strong ties to the Bush family. Romney has successfully avoided the ghost of Dubya thus far.
* Paul Ryan: Wild card. The GOP establishment doesn’t quite know what to make of picking the Wisconsin congressman, who made headlines for his controversial cut-filled budget. He’s a bold pick that could pay off or backfire like the last time a VP nom had zero to little foreign policy experience.
THE (CALL ME) MAYBE LIST:
* Bobby Jindal: He’s been around the block as a Louisiana governor. He’s young, and he’s Indian-American. What’s the problem? He’s awkward.
*Marco Rubio: The Florida Senator used to be Mormon but now is Catholic. The conservative base hearts him. He’s Latino, repping a key voting block, but he’s made some confusing statements on when his parents made their way over. He’s also racked up some impressive charges on the GOP’s dime.
THE BOTTOM LINE: Everyone in Washington is bored because it’s August, so there is a whole lot of speculation going on about what Mitt (and the RNC) is thinking. He needs someone, and needs someone quick, to attack President Obama in ways the top of the ticket can’t. He needs his very own Joe Biden. For a fuller picture of who is being considered, and let’s not forget the women (!), read on.
REPEAT AFTER ME…
What to say to your boss… Was Egypt’s new leader’s, President Mohamed Morsi, dismissal of his intelligence and security chiefs a sign of restructuring or continued political strife? In the fallout from a shooting that left 16 soldiers dead in the Sinai (border region of Egypt and Israel), Morsi has been trying to quiet the crowd who worry Egypt can’t control its borders. Egypt fired its first airstrikes in decades to make a point. We get it.
What not to say when you work in sales… Go somewhere else. This is pretty much the message Dish Network Chairman Charlie Ergen told customers, who are nervous they’ll miss “Mad Men.” Dish and AMC Networks had a fight over programming fees and recently severed their relationship. Ugly business that gets uglier when you take away Don Draper and “Breaking Bad.” Ergen’s solution? Go to iTunes and watch online.
What to say when you’re mad that you forgot an umbrella… Thank goodness, I’m not in Manila, or I’d really be screwed. 60% of the Philippine capital is under water after nearly two weeks of monsoons and flooding, severely endangering nearly 1 million people. In other pleasant weather news, July was officially the hottest month ever for the U.S.. Really? I couldn’t tell.
What to say when you don’t want to speak to anybody… I’m going to Starbucks, where everybody will know my name, and face, and I don’t have to say a word to get my Venti triple shot latte. This may soon be the reality, now that Starbucks has teamed up with Square, a mobile pay startup that sounds more like a dream concierge than a mobile wallet. Goodbye Starbucks card, hello Square that I can take anywhere (in the participating merchant realm). The Starbucks/Square partnership is a potential game-changer for the retail industry. Game on.
What to say when someone exaggerates your past… Oy. A controversial pro-Obama super PAC ad exploded a huge Pandora’s box. The ad showcases, or really stretches, the link between a man being laid off because of Bain Capital (Romney’s old stomping grounds), and his loss of health insurance, leading to the death of his cancer-stricken wife. Mitt Romney did not kill this man’s wife. But in attacking Team Obama, a Romney spokeswoman touted Romneycare, a health care plan Romney enacted in Massachusetts. Unfortunately for Team Romney, the plan is eerily similar to Obamacare. So again, oy.
What to say while getting your nails done… Did you see the new pictures of Kourtney Kardashian’s new baby, Penelope? Many questions come to mind, such as: 1. Was that the best lil’ Penelope could do? 2. Why does Mason look like he’s about to start nursing? 3. Where is Scott? 4. Was no one there to pick out Kourtney’s PJs? Kris Jenner must be taking August off.
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Who’s more fit than you…
Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings (Team USA) made Olympic history by winning their 3rd consecutive beach volleyball gold medal. Looks likemarriage counseling really can make you stronger and insanely aggressive.
Allyson Felix (Team USA) proved she’s pretty fast. The two-time Olympic runner-up aced the women’s 200 meters and finally got her gold.
Men’s basketball is a lot more ballsy than we realized. We thought that the Queen was the only one who had to guard the family jewels in London. Apparently, we were wrong. France’s Nic Batum had to publicly apologize for making Spain’s Juan Carlos Navarro feel a little blue. (h/t @KnicksChick7)