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Things I Won’t Be Bringing Up With My Mother This Mother’s Day
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Things I Won’t Be Bringing Up with My Mother This Mother’s Day
1. You’re not into my job.
Even though you were excited when I left the world of unemployment, you don’t really “get” why I would ever have left my big corporate job for a riskier-but oh-my-goodness-so-much-cooler-position that has more responsibility. You don’t get why I want more control over my schedule and what I spent my time working on. Which is kind of weird for someone who wore skirts that went to the ground and played guitar on the lawn somewhere during most of the 1960s.
2. You’re not into my boyfriend.
It’s been years-YEARS. But I still hear “Oh, so are you seeing anyone these days?” Yes. My boyfriend. Of 5 years. “Honey, when are you going to start seeing boys with normal names-like John? Or Peter?” Just because his name is mentioned in the Bible doesn’t make him normal, Mom.
3. You still worry about me living in a big city.
Okay-as cute as this one is, MOM. I am not hanging around the South Bronx at 4am wearing a miniskirt. I am a professional. I go to bed at a decent hour. I wake up at an indecent hour. I’m what good old B. Franklin would refer to as “healthy, wealthy, and wise” (at least, in theory).
Things I’ll Probably Mess Up Trying to Tell My Mother This Mother’s Day
1. I absolutely cannot live without you.
I have friends, but no one but you can really tell when I’m about to fall apart and start screaming at innocent waiters. And more importantly, no one but you can keep me from doing those things.
2. Your life is inspiring.
You’re talented. You’re so talented and you don’t even realize how talented you are. I have no idea how you worked full-time when we were babies. You made our house a home and you made the mortgage payments, too. How did you have time to still develop your amazing creative skills, be a mom, and still have a successful career?
3. The present I got for you SUCKS.
Anything would in comparison to the gift you gave me by bringing me into the world. But, yeah, here-have a gift basket or something. I don’t know.
